MY GOD, THE HORROR!!!

A horrible creature named The Fitch has come to town with ghastly predictions and peckerdom to unfold during the upcoming eclipse! Being so festive, we’d not even given it a thought!

HOWEVER, THIS VERMIN HAS CONVINCED US. The Enfitchletration is upon us! Having lost our previous Keeper of the Pecker’s Bay, we asked the varmint to take the role, but it opted instead to move into a little lighthouse nearby and be on call.

We have not the hands nor force to combat this without ALL HANDS ON DECK! NO ONE BELOW!

The creature has demanded everyone carry a flashlight, condoms, breath mints and pepper spray for the entirety of the eclipse. It has also, with our approval, dicKtatered that ABSOLUTELY NO ONE film this horror as it unfolds and to clean up your filth from mouth to bodily fluids before exiting the dark. If ya wanna pdiddle you pay the price with the cleanup!