This dog was so bad getting him groomed gave me anxiety. Fortunately,  I called Petsmart one day and got an uppity little girl who pretty much acted like I thought he was special in the asshole category and he was merely a misunderstood little fella! I was just stupid.

Thank God, I told her. Fuck that vet for walking in the room, seeing him, and saying “oh, heyyyy little buddy…didn’t know it was you….” only to leave the room and come back with a long syringe full of “save me from this beast”. It calmed him to “might be fast enough to bite or not”.

Off I went, after removing my hockey mask from picking him up to throw him in the car. One time, he was on a road trip. He was way out of sorts after having to leave the ocean waves still going because he left his post. When anyone moved, including to steer, he snarled and growled, showing teeth. We thought maybe his stomach felt bad so he was offered a cheeto…carefully placed kind of near him…still growling, He picked it up with his front teeth, and growl-talked the entire time he chewed it. The entire car burst into laughter. That’s how it went the whole way home…

But yay! The Golden light of best in class asshole dog groomers has told me “Ma’am, we’ve never met a dog we can’t groom and we get pit bull rescues here.” OH, how silly and wanting to be special I felt!

I get there and 17 yrs of special tries to continue my beratement for misunderstanding Satan. I said I was grateful and looking forward to the dog being manhandled into cooperation.  My meatball trick failed to work this time. I rolled 3 or 4 and he ignored them in defiance so my grooming him was out.

Susie Special walked off feeling superior as that little bastard in true Pepper fashion pranced off at her side like he was in a dog show on his final promenade before winning the whole shebang!

I felt so stupid as I headed back to work. He was, after all, merely a foot tall. No matter he’d once bitten me so badly it bent the upper half of my pinky finger for good. He actually bit, let go, and bit again. I took it as a kill move and never gave him leeway again. Their teeth are for killing vermin and they have these super teeth that are like two stuck together. It’s like a full set of shepherd teeth on a huge cat.

The stress caused by this heinous Black Phillip  was to end! Susie was large and in charge and I was ok with that. Happily at work, I got a cup of coffee and sat down to do some serious accounting shite.

Two minutes in, Susie calls. Boy that was fast!! Ma’am, we need you to come get this dog. Not ‘your dog’, this dog.  I asked how it went and she said they couldn’t groom him.

Four employees and their ‘master handler’ could not subdue him. They said he had ten eyes and saw them from every angle around him. I burst out laughing and grabbed my keys.

Nobody fucks with Pepper and I loved him for it. He was the quintessential die-hard. His mom was a prize-winning purebread, and we had the pick of five puppies, black and white, and as someone said “oh I don’t know which one” this little black bastard raised his paw.

That was it! He fooled us….thank God.