WHEN KEANU SPOKE

KEANU MAKES IT KNOWN HE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY.  WHAT, THEY ASK??  HE HINTS NOT.

MYSTERY SWIRLING, THIS WONDERFUL MAN…HE MUST HAVE REALLY GREAT NEWS!  LET’S TELL EVERYBODY TO WATCH!

HYPED LIKE THE CRAP OF TODAY’S WOKE WORLD… PRESS TEN SMEARS READY IN HAND… THE STAGE WAS FINALLY TAKEN BY THIS GREAT MAN.

LOOKING OUT AT THE CROWD THAT HAD GATHERED AROUND HIM, AS WELL AS THE CAMERAS POINTED AT HIM (LIKE A JOHN WICK OVERWHELMING SOME MOTHERFUCKER’S ASSES) HE QUIETLY SAID HELLO AND THANK YOU FOR COMING FOR WHICK HE RECEIVED AN ASTOUNDING RESPONSE.  

AN HOUR LATER, HE WAS FINALLY ABLE TO DELIVER HIS MESSAGE.  AND THE GREAT KEANU SAID:  

“YOU GUYS ARE REALLY STARTING TO PISS ME OFF” AND QUIETLY WALKED OFF THE STAGE.  


ASTOUNDING SILENCE AND GAPING PIEHOLES WERE SHARED AROUND THE WORLD AND THERE WAS….A MOMENT… IF EVER SO FLEETING…JUST ONE…OF SILENCE LIKE ELVIS HAD JUST WALKED OUT AND SAID ‘HEY YA’LL’!  

THEN CAME THE ROARING CHEERS AND THE USUAL CRYING FROM THE LITTLE BITCHES WHO NEEDED A TIME OUT….OR TO COLOR AT COLLEGE… OR TO MAKE KIDS LEARN ABOUT GENITALS AND GENITAL CHOICES AT PRESCHOOL SO THEY CAN BE WEIRD IN THE FUTURE AND EXPLORE THEIR COMPLETE SEXUALITY LIKE THEY DID IN KINDERGARTEN WHEN MR. JOHNSON WOULD COME TO WORK WITH MISS KITTY.  

IN UNRELATED NEWS, THERE HAS BEEN A SERIOUS UPTICK IN BOYS HAVING THE LITERAL SHIT BEATEN OUT OF THEM FOR SHOWING UP AT SCHOOL IN DRESSES.  IF YOU THINK IT WAS WHITE ELITIST SPECIAL BULLIES BEATING THEM UP YOU REALLY NEED TO EXPAND YOUR HORIZONS.

FIRST PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF THAT ASS.. THEN IT’S HEAD OUT OF THAT ASS, THEN THAT HEAD OUT OF THAT ASS UNTIL YOU FINALLY ALL CAN SEE THE LIGHT THE EARTH ITSELF HAS TO OFFER.  

CHECK IT OUT!