I done been woked since I was knee-high to a grasshopper! I suffered a quick nap, though, when at 5 years old I had the balls to ask my mom why an African American boy in my class was named Charles White if he were black. He was a great friend to me, so naturally I thought it odd. Please, oh please, do not cancel me for it, I knew not whut I’d done done. Plus, I have already done been cancelled any my only hope is to be revived by Netflix. I live and let live the best I can, but in this society today, it seems a crap ton of people have developed narcolepsy, as they fall to napping often and briefly. Startled woked again, they beg and grovel for forgiveness for their sins of normalcy. Not everyone is so extreme that they must actually voice their opinion, but they might one day as they say ‘no more’.
Woked up ones, please understand being awoked don’t mean you can say or do whatever yous guys want to due to your self-named superior awokedness. We, the napping are not what you say no matter how the media may suckle you upon their silicone, Pelosi-hanging gluttony jugged, Jelloish teat. I hate that word and you made me say it. No, not silicone…teat. This…this is what you’ve reduced me to, you teat of meaningless fodder.
Gone are the days of Walter Cronkite and the like who actually REPORTED the news without their own silly perspective splattering it with ignorance and attempts at cuteness, all delivered with bias. They did what the word implies: report. Not opinionate, condescend or heaven forbid try to be cute for the masses as they follow like sheep with their woke herd, having lost all sense of self and pondering. That would take effort, strength, intelligence, and honor. If you want a fluffy lovefest for yourself, become a hooker in Vegas or get a talk show. Or you could simply host an opinion show, where you make your bias clear. Have some decency…and composure. If you act like a joke, you are one. Maybe one day you’ll find a backbone.
Moreover, some slept so damn hard like Rip Van Winkle that they had the pure gall to investigate their own stories! That’s a ton of work, though, so fuck it. It’s easier to report the same story like everyone else is with the same ‘key’ words injected and, of course, your own stuttering reading of the screen with your sometimes illiterate ninny twist. You will not stand out in the world and lead a great people to salvation with your silly giggles, your words you say knowing they are opinionated personally, professionally, and politically. Get your paycheck and go home knowing you ain’t done made a damn bit of difference that day nor any other. Think about it. You know you are merely a boob that reads from a teleprompter as you are prompted to do. Like Joe Biden! Morals, strength, and individuality be damned! You feel like an insider with people who love you for being one blank face in a pack of herded sheep. The trouble with herds, though, is they all seem to look alike, act alike, and can easily be substituted one for the other at any moment. Your moment will pass, your face will age, and you will easily be replaced by the next shiny new toy.
You use to be more than that. I trusted you, counted on you to guide my path. I will never trust you to tell me about the events of the world, large and small. I will cast off your presence and feel my own way, thanks. Bounce and giggle elsewhere. I might check back in four years from now and see if your ignorant, foaming mouths have been silenced or I might not.
We bouts to be so busy changing street signs, renaming schools and thus printing millions and millions of documents all over again with the woked name bestowed upon them that I’s might be too busy to check. I’s got to tune out and stay focused on not working as I have since I was 12 years old picking cherry tomatoes in 100 degree weather so I’s can spend my vastly overpaid unemployment of $135 a week. Shat, I’s don’t even miss that $65,000 a year nor that pesky insurance here in my 50s. I’s likin’ this deplorable state yous gave me.