The Fitch Is Loose

President Trump, The Patriot

The entire idea of our political system is to allow differing sides to debate in good faith and heart to find a resolution that falls somewhere in the middle of the varying ideals.  At the heart of it, it is a fair, intelligent, successful system.  In today’s world, it is becoming impossible to find any true representation of our system that casts it in a positive light.  Those with higher ideals than the norm possess (because they have been disproven by history) use to be pure in their hearts of belief.  Those who based their views more in the reality of how ideals can affect things that need to be thought about were pure in their beliefs as well.  In today’s circus of life, it’s not only hard to tell how we got here, but also very daunting.  Not in a small degree, either.  If we all as individuals sat back and took a look at where we are, we should each be disgusted with our current location.

Think what you will about President Trump, but he has presented probably the purest love for our country, its standing, and what it represents in its purest form.  You can see the pride and devotion in his eyes and hear it in his voice.  He looks presidential and it is inspiring to people who also love our country and want to protect it from at least a billion threats.  From the smallest threat of rioting in the streets to the vision of America he has for fifty years from now, Donald J. Trump has valiantly fought his battle, always put America first, and made himself available not only to the American public, but in an astounding show of resolution and bravery…. the mainstream media.

Put aside your dislike for his party, his rough demeanor, and the things he did while in office with which you do not agree.  This is the same man who went on Saturday Night Live and was relaxed enough to spoof himself while singing ‘you use to call me on the cell phone…’ and was absolutely hilarious.  He warned us he would run for President.  We waited.  This is the man who could just have easily stayed out of politics and settled into his miserable life of boredom and squalor.  Wait a minute… that’s US under Biden.  Trump could retire at any time and disappear off to some island or another and live a life most of us will never have the ability to enjoy.  Why in the word would he choose to be subjected to what we, as a whole, have done to him over the past years?  Before, during and I am 100% sure after his term he has been subjected to pure ignorance at every turn.  Tiny-minded reporters who think they’ll become famous if they hijack a town hall meeting, not giving the people chances to ask their questions, and then go on a pointless rant against him in the form of questions that aren’t really questions but merely her small-minded opinion.  How’s it feel to be made to look so stupid now that you’ve seen the lies behind his supposed treason and also see your demented, angry, weak savior be affiliated with ACTUAL misdealing in lands abroad?  Forgetful sometimes, your savior also tells blatant lies on purpose.  What moron actually believed him when he said he had ZERO knowledge of his son’s overseas dealings?  Has old Joe shown his integrity to be so true that he would actually say ‘No, Hunter… you know I can’t hear of your deal making, vacuuming of money, and profiteering off our family name’ in foreign enemy lands?  Knowing what he has been FILMED saying about people of color, what colored person could actually vote for him?  People have accused Trump forever of being a racist with no proof and no truth on their side.  Conversely, he has actually helped Joe Biden’s protected class of little lambs he swears to protect because of what he saw in Charlottesville, VA.  The most frightening part of all of this is that there are people who actually believe he is even a choice to run this country.  His laughing jackal of a VP is in NO way ready to run this country nor should it be a consideration.  The laughing jackal is never aware that he is the joke.

Stop being proven ignorant in your opinionated rants, media.  You, as a whole, have been proven to be politically motivated, willing to compromise yourself, and to be mouthpieces of news or fake news other people drag up and throw on your front porch.  Get your ass up, put on your makeup or shave if you must, and take a nice holiday…. of ACTUALLY INVESTIGATING.  Or not… nobody seems to care anyway.

Civil War:  Take Two

Peacefully going about my life, every now and then something will happen that intrudes upon that peace.  People are free to think and say whatever they like in this country and it is a right you will always have, here in the United States.  As the great Donald Trump once said, this country will never be a socialist or communist country.  That statement is so many layers deep you should stop and ponder it.  Let’s just stop pretending it’s possible in this day and age and shut up about it.  You do not, nor will you have a majority vote on that.  Well, unless Biden wins, and the borders are flooded, and they get voting rights with no IDs, free crappy college, and too subpar free healthcare.

There’s one problem with your plan.  In your lifetime, however young you are, you baby future socialist wannabes, you will never live long enough to see your beautiful Utopia come to life.  We are the United States of America, and rest assured if you won in some rigged or rotten election someday that would be the beginning of our Civil War: Take Two.  While it might be a good thing in the long term to remind everyone how wonderful it use to be, it cannot and will not happen.  We will rebel, fight, and demolish you with the true majority of us that are out here quietly living the lives we love.  We are the people who look at a beautiful sun setting over the trees in the horizon and feel how lucky we are to be living where we do and how we do, which is our choice.  Being a free society, we are not holding you here nor making you live a life which does not satisfy you.  We are a blended enough nation by now that I assure you, this would not be a war divided or grouped by race.  Maybe it would even help solidify humans, hence my comment about the long term.

Poor Joe Biden. Just leave him be, in his basement in peace.  I figured out what he’s been up to for you.  I had a vision, you see, of him in his basement bunker all alone as the Randy Travis song plays along with the altered words as Joe furiously digs up bones (Obama), he’s digging up bones (Bernie), exhuming things better left alone (HILLARY!  Could NOT resist).  He’s resurrecting memories of a poof that’s come and gone (AOC+3), tonight he’s sittin’ alone, diggin’ up bones….(his political career).  The vision ends with a clip of him burying BuckHunter Biden in the holes from which he dug the others.  Anyone who has witnessed Joe Biden in action knows he is not qualified to be president in his current condition. 

Now, taking all of this into account, please put away your little socialist Barbie Doll dreams and focus on the country as it is here and now.  Media, please stop giving any national coverage to things as ridiculous as AOC+3, which makes me want to vomit, unless it is to poke fun at them as Trump did by calling them that even though he heard she didn’t like it.  Do not lend even a moment of time to such ridiculous things that aggravate us past the local level.  Trying to take away our freedom, spirit, and economic system is not on the table.  To us, that is treason and an attempt to overthrow our government.  Civil war is the most heinous backlash you would swiftly endure.  Feel free to plant your baby seeds wherever you like, but you will not live to see your socialist crop.  Pack the court, bully Biden, it matters not.  We are and will be the United States of America: free enterprise based and world leaders.


Red-blooded Americans


Long before the days of the lunacy that were 2020, I often wondered how Kentucky Fried Chicken was able to keep its mascot The Colonel.  I call it a mascot because it might as well be someone in a furry suit lingering at the playground.  Anyway, we are now in the year 2021 and we as an unwoke group are absolutely appalled in our dreams at the complete failure of the progressive cancel movement in its non-handling of the Colonel.  We demand to be heard and have action taken.  Wait, to be clear as to not be accused (like Trump) of inciting a damn thing, I am not inciting the replacement of this offensive creature by force, whether it be physical, loudness, or deafness.

How, I ask you, is this still allowed in our day and age when you have successfully canceled so many including people for things they said when they were 12 that you find offensive?  Anyway, we demand action of the polite woke kind.  Rioting and looting should do it.  Again, no incitement of violence intended, this is humor.  This Colonel must go.  He is not, in fact, a Colonel anyway, so why doesn’t that make you mad?  How do you suffer in silence so valiantly?  How DARE he claim to be this highly esteemed military postholder even if in fun?  Did he have to dress in his fancy old school Plantation-owner suit?  This was the image he chose to portray many moons ago.  Many moons have now also passed, and your lack of action has become so offensive to our souls that we cannot even fathom bringing up Long John Silvers, even though you all know, in fact, that all pirates were known for their pillaging, plundering, and raping of men, women, children and towns.  The mainstream media may not have covered the stories of man-raping as much because it wasn’t in their day out loud or in print, but in our wokedness culture we know the truth.  “Law & Order” covered it, that’s for damn sure.  Carry your ignored truth to Heaven’s door and please grant us this favor from the Sacred High Court of Moronics.  We bowed in gratitude when you got old Sambo’s ass but that was many blue moons gone by.

To further our case, we now move to the offensive connotations empowering this particular offender.  Let’s start with the obvious reason this mascot needs the ax (to be clear, not implying anyone ax the Colonel with an actual wood chopping ax):  He is creepy.  The second reason is that Colonel has been an old name for ignorant southern military folk for quite some time.  Back in the day, they surely owned slaves, or at least one did, which seems to be your lower margin of God sent truth not to be told in any other way.  Are we to assume the kahunas have not been kahunaed enough to breach the subject with our African American associates because they will then be accused of saying they don’t want it changed because it’s OK since their associates are known for loving fried chicken?  Were they given a ‘special’ pass?  First you get your own special short bus and now this?  We protest and riot, as no creature could love a good fried chicken more than we…especially when it’s finger licking good.

HOWEVER, that aside, you have work to do and under your promise to woke the unwoke and punish the whatevers you like, we demand you fulfill said promise immediately.  Mr. Silvers will have to wait for now, since you are surely failing in spreading your wokeness country-wide in as expedient a manner as you haven’t. 

Again, the Colonel must go.  May we suggest for our generations coming up it be an appropriate moniker such as “HearYouAndYouAreMostSpecialofAll” and a mascot in the form of a soft-edged tissue box with a clean, friendly, white, first wipe pulled halfway out for us as the signal of warmth and comfort we shall emanate?  Even better, how about the same with a cylinder of germ killing wipes?  You could more-woke it by making it rainbow wipes!  Oh, the marketing genius will abound and be fruitful!  You could have a replica on every table that actually functions as a wet wipe holder!  You’re woke and have street smarts now! 

***No feelings have been intended to be offended by this crafting, setting aside anyone who was offended by it, as you are too woke.  Nap, friend, nap. ***

Now I Have to Buy the Damn Pillow

So far, I’ve been able to avoid buying the pillow that’s out of my price range made by, you guessed it, the My Pillow Guy.  I know his name, but we’ll just call him that for fun.  He’s on my ass 24/7 on TV wanting me to do it, luring me in to do it on the radio, and making me want that damn good night’s sleep, too.  Why should others be special?  But I never fell for it, though I know I could vastly benefit from it being in my life. 

I must admit, after inundated with him, his pillow, and the clips about his pivotal moment in Mexico I became immune to the greatness of it because it had been drilled in like words of a bad parent dooming its child to fail.  I wasn’t exactly fond of the borderline creepy clip with My Pillow Guy and his children’s pillow party.  Innocent, no doubt, but how could more than any one human fail to see it before it was broadcast anywhere?  But I digress.  That is not the point. 

Once immune as described above, I started to joke around with unnamed parties when the commercial was on.  There was talk of God finding this poor wretched soul about to die in Mexico and giving him the purpose of providing the best night’s sleep to everyone he possibly could.  It is a Godly message spreading joy.  That is what the pillow promises.  Still, even after seeing the creepy grandpa commercial referenced above and continuing my comedic relief from the inundation of it, I did not buy this pillow.

I have failed now to keep my strength. My comedic protective gear has failed to help me keep that pillow at bay.  I attribute it to not buying the damn pillow when I was first approached.  Regardless, I am still in the same situation…. I have to buy the damn pillow.

We have football players with the world at their feet being involved in dog fighting rings quickly right back to making the money.  We have elected officials who watched as violence took the lives of so many and still saying it was all OK, even after the fires and looting joined the violence.  It wasn’t a summer of love for everyone, I assure you.  We have an elected VP who made fun of criminals for begging for water because she had such a grueling job in the jail cell she wasn’t in.  Wait until you get to beg for a tampon, laughing hyena.  You incited violence and condoned it.  Be glad Trump did not.

Now everyone has ganged up on the My Pillow Guy and want to take away his ability to make a living for his family as well as those of or for all employees he reciprocates with funds.  Did he molest children?  No.  Did he molest any women?  Not that I’ve heard.  Did he storm the Capital and threaten to hurt people?  No.  What did he do?


You can freely find absolute crap on TV portraying positive conversations about animal sex (The Magicians), flagrant affairs outside marriage that are glorified (everywhere), and all the gay, trans, bi, throuple he/she/they/we/no one/all/whatever you want.  Nothing is not out there and nothing is sacred anymore.  That’s why people go after Chick Fil A for holding to its values, Goya for whatever some idiot chose to say, and now the My Pillow Guy.  In protest of this and all things generally being as they are, I will buy this pillow. I hope you will, too.

Irredeemable Deplorables

I done been woked since I was knee-high to a grasshopper!  I suffered a quick nap, though, when at 5 years old I had the balls to ask my mom why an African American boy in my class was named Charles White if he were black.  He was a great friend to me, so naturally I thought it odd.  Please, oh please, do not cancel me for it, I knew not whut I’d done done.  Plus, I have already done been cancelled any my only hope is to be revived by Netflix.  I live and let live the best I can, but in this society today, it seems a crap ton of people have developed narcolepsy, as they fall to napping often and briefly.  Startled woked again, they beg and grovel for forgiveness for their sins of normalcy.  Not everyone is so extreme that they must actually voice their opinion, but they might one day as they say ‘no more’.

Woked up ones, please understand being awoked don’t mean you can say or do whatever yous guys want to due to your self-named superior awokedness.  We, the napping are not what you say no matter how the media may suckle you upon their silicone teat.  I hate that word and you made me say it.  No, not silicone…teat.  This…this is what you’ve reduced me to, you teat of meaningless fodder.

Gone are the days of Walter Cronkite and the like who actually REPORTED the news without their own silly perspective splattering it with ignorance and attempts at cuteness, all delivered with bias.  They did what the word implies:  report.  Not opinionate, condescend or heaven forbid try to be cute for the masses as they follow like sheep with their woke herd, having lost all sense of self and pondering.  That would take effort, strength, intelligence, and honor. If you want a fluffy lovefest for yourself, become a hooker in Vegas or get a talk show.  Or you could simply host an opinion show, where you make your bias clear. Have some decency…and composure.  If you act like a joke, you are one.  Maybe one day you’ll find a backbone.

Moreover, some slept so damn hard like Rip Van Winkle that they had the pure gall to investigate their own stories!  That’s a ton of work, though, so fuck it.  It’s easier to report the same story like everyone else is with the same ‘key’ words injected and, of course, your own stuttering reading of the screen with your sometimes illiterate ninny twist.  You will not stand out in the world and lead a great people to salvation with your silly giggles, your words you say knowing they are opinionated personally, professionally, and politically. Get your paycheck and go home knowing you ain’t done made a damn bit of difference that day nor any other.  Think about it.  You know you are merely a boob that reads from a teleprompter as you are prompted to do.  Like Joe Biden!  Morals, strength, and individuality be damned!  You feel like an insider with people who love you for being one blank face in a pack of herded sheep.  The trouble with herds, though, is they all seem to look alike, act alike, and can easily be substituted one for the other at any moment.  Your moment will pass, your face will age, and you will easily be replaced by the next shiny new toy.

You use to be more than that.  I trusted you, counted on you to guide my path.  I will never trust you to tell me about the events of the world, large and small.  I will cast off your presence and feel my own way, thanks.  Bounce and giggle elsewhere.  I might check back in four years from now and see if your ignorant, foaming mouths have been silenced or I might not. 

We bouts to be so busy changing street signs, renaming schools and thus printing millions and millions of documents all over again with the woked name bestowed upon them that I’s might be too busy to check.  I’s got to tune out and stay focused on not working as I have since I was 12 years old picking cherry tomatoes in 100 degree weather so I’s can spend my vastly overpaid unemployment of $135 a week.  Shat, I’s don’t even miss that $65,000 a year nor that pesky insurance here in my 50s.  I’s likin’ this deplorable state yous gave me.

The Snowflake Reality

We are all sick of endless things in this Hellish year of 2020; but, at this moment, I am so sick of the current culture that is being reflected nationally that I may implode, explode, or a bit of both.  Thank God for Fox News (and their tendency to report common sense news) and Trump (for giving us hope).  People are scared to speak their minds for fear of retribution unless they’re liberal, progressive, or anti-Trump.  You can be saved, though.  Say what you like, then end with ‘but also, Fuck free enterprise’ and you’ll be fine.  Tucker Carlson was on and laughingly asked his guest how she was able to speak freely like she did!  How has she not been silenced?  She said very intelligent, coherent things.  They were not hostile or violence inducing at all.   Of course, she was speaking in a positive light about forbidden things.  Here I sit, watching clear evidence that DrugBuckHunter Biden romped all around the world raking in, or more appropriately as Trump said it, vacuuming up money.  It’s definitely true, and even if in the end it was just this side of legal, I don’t care.  F the Bidens who are criminals, F Hillary and her private server, which would have seen any of us locked up for a nice, long stint for our stupidity.  Most of all, F Nancy Pelosi and please vote her out into oblivion so we don’t have to look at her or hear her ever again.  You are NOT a queen; we were founded in this country against such things.  Royal?  I think not.  More like delusional with enough misguided followers to remain visible.  Who are these people?  I fear the answer.  Presidents, Senators, Congressmen, and all other politicians and while we’re at it “Hollywood”, you’re not royal, so most certainly you are not a God and it’s time you act like it.  Where is the red blood of Americans who are smart, strong, and not to be treaded upon?  Even the Grateful Dead said, “Don’t Tread on Me”.  The political system does it to us and some die-hards re-elect them.  Go figure.  I can only justify what I see by knowing so many sheep vote by party, not policy and most certainly not for their own good, they just didn’t research enough to find out.

Anyone over the age of 18 (younger, really) should be flogged for feeling the “need” to color to deal with the fact that one or the other candidate was elected president.  Grow a pair!  I blame much of this on weak, inattentive parents (no, NOT while you’re working) who spoiled their kids to ease their guilt and completely forgot to teach them, or Heaven forbid, punish them.  The world revolves around them.  They deserve what they want.  They should get their way.  You taught them just how special every snowflake is, and they’ve tried to push that education onto the world and got smacked down by the reality of millions of other snowflakes, just as special, or maybe even more special, than they are.  No, most of you won’t actually become rich and famous doing your pretty artwork or your average dance moves.  Nor will you be the one to think up the new multi-million-dollar app idea and then continue to do so because you’re so “specially” better than the world in which you live.  Than the country in which you live.  Here, at least you have the right to think you’re so special and the chance to continue your delusions as long as you have money, are well connected, or luck out like a son of a gun.  Hey, you’re special, so who knows?  Look at Bravo TV!  Regardless, at least you are in the United States of America, which means you are free and able to chase the American Dream however you like. 

Be warned, though.  If your little socialist-type, everything-free world materializes, when you get older, have kids ,and work a normal job, which you most likely will, I wish to be present in the moment you realize what an idiot you are.  How hard you work for the money you make and how little you truly get after taxes come out to foot your dreams, which turned out to be others’ dreams.  Your soul will feel so good about it!  You got your free college, free healthcare, open borders, and lovefests.  So sad how few years it all took to come crumbling down around you.  Your healthcare is bare minimum, and you go where you’re told.  Same thing with college.  Millions upon millions of undocumented aliens have come, as you wanted, and with too many people there’s barely enough to go around.  Too bad you’re not one of the elites in your new free world.  Nancy will be fine; she’ll just buy an even bigger freezer for her ice cream.  Your neighborhood is scary at night because…oh yeah! You dismantled the police and the last time the social worker came she wasn’t able to diffuse the situation and was shot dead on the sidewalk.  Have they replaced her yet?

Looking into the eyes of your child, you will wish for top notch medicine, college, and freedom for them.  For them to be safe.  You’ll wish for what you have now.  You’ll remember the good old days under our free enterprise system when you had a great job with benefits.  You’ll think back on that booming economy Trump gave you and wish you could go back in time and fight like an actual American to keep the glorious life so many have fought and died to give you and would still be doing so for you, if only…. 

Please, feel free to move anywhere you like.  Just take AOC and traitor stars all with you.  So long, numerous Avengers!  Biden can stay because we’ll let him rest in his lovely home unimpeded.  I bet I can talk Trump into giving you a stimulus, which would be cheaper for us than to keep you.  The federal government is not Santa Claus any more than you’re a royal, special snowflake.  There are no little money elves behind the scenes printing endless bills.  The naïve, lovefest future must be paid for with real, actual money and since you are the future, you’ll be paying for it in that way, too.  We, the older, wiser ones will die long before you.

Have fun with that….


As the evils around you, whether they are evils you perpetuate or not, come to a mind-storming peak inside your head, you may feel like it’s going to explode.  You will think things and think about doing things you would never consider under normal circumstances.  An example of this is the origin of things like ‘revenge is a dish best served cold’.  Is it merely because your foe will not see it coming and will be even more crushed to see you unexpectedly coming with your revenge?  Most likely not.  Most likely it is meant to help you govern your behavior long enough to calm down and think things through.  This, too, shall pass one way or another.  OK, so you’ve determined with a cool head that someone needs punishing.  From this viewpoint, you can put good, clear thought into how best to extract the most impactful revenge.  At least you’re less likely to end up in jail, because let me tell you…very few things add up to giving up a life of freedom for one of daily drudgery, horrible food with questionable content including bodily fluids, and the countless threats to your safety.  Oh yeah and being the butt of jokes by the VP to be about your incessant begging. 

Forget security, that’s gone.  Is this revenge worth giving up what small things you do care about?  That’s where you’re lucky if you have a good, strong switch in your head that isn’t likely to throw and unleash all the evil, pain, sadness, anger, and confusion you have allowed to build up to this moment of crisis.  Any little provocation might cause you to overblow your reaction to the point that your future of freedom might come into question.  Could you kill someone, even if they deserve it?  Could you get away with it?  Would anybody give a shat if you did disappear into jail, or worse yet, died on the spot in your ultimate revenge plot?  Do you even have one person you could talk to about this?  Do you see any genuine concern around you? 

If you have nothing to live for, we’re all fucked.  You might go off and hurt people.  If you do, could you please limit it to the people who caused you to be in this state in the first place?  There’s no need to blow up, shoot, or maim innocent people.  At least aim it from whence it came.  Take accountability for your part.  Do not go to the nearest mall and shoot it up (that is if you can find one still open).  If you are to truly right wrongs you feel were done, you must first get in your head again when you’re in a balanced state.  Scream, curse, throw glass, whatever is necessary to break this mood.  Do you have a playlist you can go to for comfort?  I’d suggest making one if you haven’t because music therapy is real; and music is the sound of the soul, so somewhere you will uncover every emotion you’ve ever felt.  Yes, I heard you saying ‘fuck that’ but at least give it a try.  Start with something angry, hurt or confused like you are.  Work your way down to more calm, happy music and find that even keel from which you need to begin.

What is hurting you?  How are you hurt?  Why are you angry and who caused that?  Are you reacting to things closely going on around you, or are you calling upon the entire repertoire of misery and frustration that has accumulated in your soul since the moment you were conceived?  Are you toying with things from a familial past that you simply can’t let go of because you have had no justice?  Do you feel taken for granted or under-appreciated?  Do you hate your job and the people who work there?  Do you like them, and they don’t seem to like you?  Do you like the people and hate the job itself?  Have you lost someone you love?  Your last friend?  Did the love of your life go to work one day and never come home?  Were you abused in some or many ways as a child?  Were you forced into some position in life you never wanted?  Did you marry the wrong person?  Did you marry the right person, and they must not have been in the same frame of mind because of all the cheating they do?  Do you realize it is a weakness in their character and not necessarily because you are awful in bed and no fun?  Did you know cheating or not is a true indicator of character within a person, not something swayed in the wind of a bigger penis or circus boobs?  Are you aware that most people go through life on auto-pilot to some degree or the other?  I’m talking way beyond the body’s ability to breathe for us without our thinking to do it.  Do you think most people would happily trade their life if they were on a game show that granted the wish of their dream life?  How many do you suppose would leave friends and family behind if they had to?  Or just because they wanted to.  Have you consciously thought about the life you are living and the one you want to live?  Remember that horrible thing that happened to you when you were younger and you got past it in time and managed to have enough to live for that you’re here again angry and hurt? 

Time does not and will not stop.  In your particular situation that is a good thing.  Give it a few minutes, then a few hours, then a few days.  Revisit where you are, and you may still feel as angry as ever and be seeking justice.  If so, then you can find a way to get your justice without doing damage to your own life or do something that might not be justice and go too far.  Emotion is a tough bitch to bear; believe me I know.  If you have gone blindly through life letting these things build up inside you, your reaction to things in time may become something that feels more important than it is.  Is this truly the straw that should break the camel’s back?  Most likely not.  In true crisis, you should always and immediately seek help from the resources in your life through family and friends or professional assistance.  Getting help for your mental state doesn’t always mean you have a mental illness.  They name things, yes.  But it can also be that someone has allowed too much trauma, large and small, to accumulate inside them.  It could help to sort out all that shat so you can deal with life from a clean, neat, organized standpoint.  I am not an expert on mental health, I’m just a person who has lived a life with a storage closet in the back of my mind.  I packed things up neat and tight in little boxes and put them in there for years.  It started before I was old enough to even be mentally conscious that I was doing it.  For many years, I lived in fear that those boxes would all pop open at the same time and like a switch was flipped I’d be catatonic.  Luckily, I had a moment of realization that clearly dictated I open them all, one by one.  The storage unit is much smaller now, only leaving the most important parts of each box’s contents.  They are condensed, neatly organized and in a climate-controlled unit.

At some point when you’re drowning, I would imagine for many there is a moment they realize they are fighting a losing battle and decide to peacefully submit.  This is not that moment for you.  Doggy paddle, float, or swim like Hell because there is a boat out there close enough to save you.  

All Aboard!!

Eh Uhh Um Psaki

Oh, how I miss the eloquent speaking of Kaleigh McEnany.  What a beautiful, intelligent, successful role model for all young ladies in this country.  You can be beautiful, smart, and successful, all the while keeping a grace about you that if challenged will lead to a sterner response, still delivered with respect and charm.  Always a professional, she only changed her demeanor when necessary to combat the overwhelming force of grown adults treating her with hostility and disrespect, all the while calling themselves the press.  More like an ignorant, unprofessional mob of nerdlings.  How did that work out for you, press?  Did she cower like a shrinking violet?  I think not.  Did she become ruffled and start spewing out a slew of ummms, ahhhhs, ehhs, and do so in a shaky, borderline squeaky voice with a tilted head?  Hell no, her blue eyes kept the fire in them and she stood up to you all.  She never broke the class that naturally matches her pleasing appearance.  You would think women would stand up and say ‘that’s a wonderful example for young women of an intelligent, successful woman who happens to be beautiful to boot’.  But no, she happened to work for Trump and believe in representing and defending him as she should.

Flash forward.  Our puppet president is in the White House and we now have a Psaki.  With the demeanor of a secret (though evident) belief she is above the rest, she reminds me of a librarian who knows nothing of the amazing literature which surrounds her.  If asked a question, she stammers for words as she deems to explain to you whatever it is you’re asking in a manner that portrays her misguided attempt to sound superior.  I cannot watch her.  I tried, I really did.  I made a most valiant effort to give this thing a fair chance but the tedium of her lack of eloquent speaking is too much to bear and each ummm, ahhh, ehhhh sends me further into irritation.  I am irritated enough at current as to not need any further prompting.

What happened to choosing someone who is well suited for what they do?  I do not make fun of this woman lightly.  This just is not her forte. Was this intentional, to have someone with such a mousy appearance and unprofessional demeanor while speaking to show equity, ummm..errr…uhhh equality?  I don’t think so, it was just a huge mistake.  Do you truly, in your heart, really feel equally good in the hands of a 911 operator with a severe stutter?  Liar if you said you do.  Why would someone purposely present someone who tries to speak in such a condescending manner with a shaking mousy voice to intelligent people asking questions that are cotton balls compared to the borderline military hostility Kaleigh McEnany faced every single day?  Why place, as the face of your administration, someone who cannot spew a single sentence without including an ‘ehh, uhhh, ummm’?  It is not surprising she was a political contributor for CNN before the election because all you had to do to qualify was trash Trump, everyone on his team and most certainly his voters.  Well done, you’ve earned a public facing role where you do not in any way excel.  Short, choppy answers to said cotton balls combined with your peppering of space fillers is painful to watch and quite frankly, not worth it to hear the spouting of a party that had to combine every facet but Trump voters in order to win. 

Perhaps some private lessons from Kaleigh McEnany on the art of public speaking would serve you well.  She could impart the wisdom of grace, eloquence, and strength to you.  Most importantly, she could show you how to spout out at least one sentence without quivering, space-filling additives.  Should your skill be compared to food, you would most definitely be in the cheap wiener category, or maybe even Scrapple, whatever that is…no one really knows for sure. 

What ever happened to the pause of graceful silence?  Try it, please


Stammering additives do not make anyone look intelligent and portray your lack of fluency for all to see.  I do, however, commend you on your filtering out of ‘like, like, you know’.  Well done!

Please do not be offended by these words, they’re merely to help you.  Sort of like the rude customer service agent who needs to be told by a ripe Karen they are more suited for a back office job where no one sees them.  I am not fond of the denigrating nature now affiliated with the name Karen because I know some I really like.  Further, I myself have been known on many an occasion to use the name Susan in a most offensive way.  Often applicable, it generally describes anyone who might be the understudy of a poisoned stamp-licking person featured on a very popular show.  In other words, an annoying, dense, or aggravating woman.  Susan said she doesn’t have to be dropping the hell on us like Karens.  She doesn’t know anybody with that name.

When Pustule Face Called Us Fuckers

So the incoming Biden deputy chief of staff called us fuckers.  Aren’t we all fuckers at some point or another?  Has she not fucked?  I imagine not, with that pustule face she must bear.  Biden preaches unity but says nothing about this offensive unfuckable fuckface so I must bear the burden for us all myself. 

So you want to call republicans fuckers because you think it makes you cute or allows you to finally fit in with what you see as winners?  Oh, far from cute you are.  Did you think Glamour talked to you because you’re glamourous?  I would laugh but you’re pitiful and my empathy forbids it.  Your pasty white face is actually quite hard to look at.  It’s so horrible to see that it conjures up nauseating memories of that first beach trip of the year.  The sun, sand and subtle wind are so soothing after a long, cold winter.  Out of nowhere, desecrating your peace, your eye catches sight of an obvious beer drinker pulling off his winter’s white pot-belly-covering shirt and there it is!!  His hidden, telling gut of shame!  So offensive and in broad daylight!  There it is, your place in our world… the passing fart in the wind of a should be hidden foulness of pastiness, a bulging horror to eyesight.  No offense intended to potbellied men, of course.

You, so ugly inside and out, are the epitome of visual offense.  Please pull your shirt up over that thing you call a face, so reminiscent of potbellied offenses.  One could go so far as to call it a fuck face, as surely no man would be so desperate as to kiss such a pasty-ass white visage.  He would surely make use of that thing with body parts located farther from his mouth.  Sort of like the joke about hookers not kissing on the mouth.  You are like the ugly kid in the restaurant showing your ass thinking you’re cute because you have terrible parents who let you think it.  You are the purest example of ugly is as ugly does.  Often, inside such a horrible carcass you might find a great, kind person underneath; but you wear both your inner and outer ugliness for all to see.  You spewed what you thought was an inside joke against at least 75 million people and therefore stirred more ugliness in a world so full of it.  A world full of ugliness and full of shit these days. You are the face of that shit now, so you shall be named Shitface until the stench of you fades.

This isn’t Gossip Girl, and you’re surely no Serena.